the no 'poo method

no, we're not constipated. yeah, we get that alot.

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From all I have read about alternative hair care, brushes are bad for very curly hair. I can't speak from experience because I have big loose curls, but I have always read that wide-toothed combs made of horn or wood are best for hair such as you described. I use them even for my hair because they are gentle, non-staticky, and they naturally help to distribute sebum.

As for oils, different people like different ones. Coconut is very light and fast-absorbing. Based on my experience and the many anecdotes I have read, this one is good for many hair types. You might also consider olive oil, which I've recently taken to using (very sparingly) on my ends. which are dry from malnutrition. Jojoba is quite popular because it is considered very similar to our sebum. I'm afraid I don't know much about hair oils, though, having little need for them.

If I need to, I usually oil my ends once my hair has dried after a wash, and then use a horn comb to distribute the product evenly. I rub any remainder of oil from my comb before I use it on my scalp.

I am not super informed about this but I think there are many parents with your same problem and for that there are books and lots of websites. I am also not very informed about American political correctness (so please forgive me if I use an ignorant word) but as an example I googled "interracial hair kids" and a lot of useful seeming pages popped up. I think the African American community has a strong tradition for naturally taking care of very curly hair. There's also a strong tradition of simply using chemicals (hence your husband's response) but there's lots of info out there. You could also try to search for tutorials on youtube! I am sure I have seen quite a few African American women giving tips over there while I was searching for henna related things.

Here are some of the things I found:

I also really liked Chris Rock's movie about ethnic hair and his little girl's struggle with her hair. Here's a trailer:

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